Woohoo! Made it to 40 weeks. What a journey it has been. I was told very early on in this pregnancy to prepare to have a this baby prematurely. This was labeled a high-risk pregnancy, not just because of the severe hyperemesis, but because of the other various pre-existing conditions, particularly a seizure disorder that reared its ugly head around week week 25 or so. Then there were the surgeries that left me a physical and emotional wreck. I hoped for nothing more than to make it to full term and give birth to my healthy baby boy. I am eternally grateful to have made it this far and now I anxiously await his arrival. I can't wait to hold him, gaze into his eyes and tell him just how much I love him.

I was talking to a friend yesterday and it hit me that I'm going to be in the delivery room alone. My mom is going to be with daughter and I don't know anyone here that can be in the room with me for support. I should have gotten a doula. Even though this child's father walked out when I was about 20 weeks pregnant, I didn't think that far ahead and now I'm a nervous wreck about it. Who's going to rub my back or allow me to lean on them when the contractions get too hard to handle? I was really upset about this yesterday. I cried for a while, took a nap. When I woke up, I just decided to put my big girl panties on and just accept the situation. Me, my birth plan and my convictions are going to have to be enough for this birth. I'm not the first woman to do this alone and I won't be the last.

I just have to continue to be positive and hope for the best.

I really don't feel like writing today. I'm uncomfortable. My hands and feet are swollen. I'm grumpy. I have a long list of complaints. However, the fact that I'm alive and well and only 7 days away from my estimated due date makes me feel good and there's really no good reason for me to skip out on writing a quick entry commemorating this milestone.

I'm preoccupied these days. I am worrying constantly about labor, imagining how it's going to be this time around. I wonder if baby will be healthy. I worry and wonder and I'm pretty much driving myself crazy. I keep my mind and hands busy by cleaning. I guess I'm nesting. My mom must be nesting, too, because right after I clean something, she'll clean it again. As if I didn't do a good enough job or something. I don't mind. I think it's funny and it's comforting to me on some level that she's just as insane as I am right now.

In other news, I have 3 things to review and giveaways in the works, but I'm so exhausted these days that I probably won't get around to doing any of this until after I have the baby. I'm also getting a blog makeover! I'm really excited about that.

So much to look forward to. I need to remember to breathe and know that everything is going to be just fine. The problem is that my memory isn't the best.

*sigh*

I had surgery 2 weeks ago to remove a lump under my right arm. It was just as hard as having surgery 2 months ago to remove that cyst from my right breast. I'm not usually a woe is me type of person. I roll with the punches. However, I did have a breakdown when I was told that I was going to need surgery to remove this lump. I just couldn't believe it. How much more am I to endure during this pregnancy? I went through somewhat of an existential crisis. You know it's bad when you're bargaining with God and then questioning whether there even is a God. It was a difficult time for me, but I'm doing much better now. The pain is virtually non-existent. I have about 85% range of motion with my arm and the wound is healing really well.

Once I got out of the hospital, I noticed that I wasn't feeling the baby move as much. I know that it's getting cramped in there for him and I may not feel as much movement as before, but there was a day when I didn't feel anything at all and I wasn't in a good place mentally, so I freaked out. They gave me percocet after the surgery for pain and I thought that maybe he was lethargic because of that and the antibiotics I was on made me very ill. I was a complete mess. Thankfully, everything turned out to be okay with baby. He's back to kicking me in the crotch and I couldn't be happier.

5 weeks to go! Saying it is like music to my ears. In just 5 weeks, I will get to meet my son. I'm so excited, I could scream.

I don't know when exactly nesting begins, but I spent the entire weekend cleaning and I still don't feel the place is clean enough. I also packed my hospital bag. My hospital bag is actually the duffel bag that my daughter uses when she spends the weekends at her dad's house. She was not happy about me borrowing it and she was even more upset when I told her why exactly I needed to use her duffel bag. She hasn't been thrilled about this whole being a big sister thing. It has gotten better, but she still has her moments. I had her help me put together the stroller and car seat as well as the pack and play. She enjoyed being my helper.

I have an ultrasound scheduled tomorrow morning. I'm nervous, but excited to get a peek at my boy again. Nervous because this pregnancy has been so complicated. It truly has been one thing after another and it's a miracle I've made it to 35 weeks. I've never given up hope that things would work out well, so I'm not going to start doubting now, but the nerves are still there.

I'll tell you what I'm not excited about. I'm not excited about having to be there at 8:30. 8:30AM! I think it's a bit cruel to ask a pregnant woman almost ready to give birth to be up and functioning that early. I rely on public transit and that's torturous enough. I propose that in the last few weeks of pregnancy all providers make house calls.

Waking up at 7:00 AM to puke for half an hour is not how I envisioned starting off my day. Happy 34 weeks of pregnancy to me.

Sure, there are aches and pains associated with pregnancy. No one said growing another human was going to be easy, but Hyperemesis Gravidarum is a beast in a class of its own. I don't expect people who have never experienced hyperemesis to understand just how debilitating it can be. I don't expect people who haven't experienced it to truly understand that it is more than "severe morning sickness". Not only does it break you down physically, it robs you of the opportunity to fully enjoy your pregnancy.

The good news is that there are many treatment options that can be pursued. Unfortunately for people like me, the treatments don't always work or it takes quite a few weeks to achieve just a tad bit of relief. My experience has been more like that of Tomoeh Murakami Tse, a staff writer for the Washington Post, who published this article on her bout with hyperemesis in 2008.

I had hyperemesis with my first pregnancy and I was truly hoping that I wouldn't have to ever go through it again. Obviously, that wasn't in the cards. I thought I knew what to expect, having gone through it before, but it seems this time my body turned it up a notch. I honestly did not think I would make it through this pregnancy. That was until I found a hyperemesis support group. Having the help and support of women who knew exactly what I was going through was invaluable. These women gave me hope and kept me focused. Trust me, it's easy to get discouraged when you've been throwing up 12 times a day for days at a time and you've become so weak that you can't even stand up for a few minutes to brush your teeth in the mornings. It's hard to keep hope alive when your friends and family can not believe that you're in your second or third trimester and you're still so sick and you start hearing one horror story after another. I look forward to providing moral and emotional support to those going through this.

It has been a long road. 34 weeks is quite an accomplishment for me. I can only take the next 6 weeks one day at a time. Wish me luck.

I woke up on Wednesday morning not feeling all that great. The entire house was spinning with me and I felt drunk, but of course, I haven't had a drink since finding out I was pregnant. I had to literally hold on to the wall to make it to the bathroom. I was in bad shape. I called my Dr. and was told to go to the Emergency Room. Since I have a pre-existing seizure disorder, they were concerned that a seizure was imminent. My blood pressure was extremely low and the CBC reflected low red blood cell count, which indicated anemia. They ran a battery of tests and then transferred me to the hospital downtown with the high risk OB unit. I was monitored there for a couple of hours and sent home.

I've been to the ER numerous times with this pregnancy, this was the most intense. I was really worried that they were going to find something seriously wrong. I did not want them to tell me that they would have to induce labor, that was my biggest fear. Luckily, I was able to return home with orders to rest. I was able to see the baby's face also. They did an ultrasound and he was looking right at me. My heart melted. I wanted to go through the screen and give him a big kiss.

I can't wait to hold him in my arms. Few more weeks to go.

I am officially 33 weeks pregnant today. I am so proud and excited to have made it this far. I've been sick with hyperemesis gravidarum since week 10 and it's been miserable, but I see the light at the end of the tunnel now and I can start to simply look forward to having my baby boy in my arms.

I know that being a single mom of two isn't going to be easy, but I am feeling hopeful that everything will work out just as it should. I have faith in something that is bigger than me.