Tuesday, June 15, 2010

40 weeks down! Baby, please come out and play!

Woohoo! Made it to 40 weeks. What a journey it has been. I was told very early on in this pregnancy to prepare to have a this baby prematurely. This was labeled a high-risk pregnancy, not just because of the severe hyperemesis, but because of the other various pre-existing conditions, particularly a seizure disorder that reared its ugly head around week week 25 or so. Then there were the surgeries that left me a physical and emotional wreck. I hoped for nothing more than to make it to full term and give birth to my healthy baby boy. I am eternally grateful to have made it this far and now I anxiously await his arrival. I can't wait to hold him, gaze into his eyes and tell him just how much I love him.

I was talking to a friend yesterday and it hit me that I'm going to be in the delivery room alone. My mom is going to be with daughter and I don't know anyone here that can be in the room with me for support. I should have gotten a doula. Even though this child's father walked out when I was about 20 weeks pregnant, I didn't think that far ahead and now I'm a nervous wreck about it. Who's going to rub my back or allow me to lean on them when the contractions get too hard to handle? I was really upset about this yesterday. I cried for a while, took a nap. When I woke up, I just decided to put my big girl panties on and just accept the situation. Me, my birth plan and my convictions are going to have to be enough for this birth. I'm not the first woman to do this alone and I won't be the last.

I just have to continue to be positive and hope for the best.


2 comments:

Elita said... [Reply to comment]

I wish I had known this. I don't even think I realized you had a blog until this morning! I totally would have come down to the hospital to support you! I hope that it went well, even though you were flying solo. I'm looking forward to seeing pictures of the new baby!

BabbleOnMom said... [Reply to comment]

Well, things didn't turn out exactly as I planned. Labor went well. Even though I had to practically beg them to let me walk around instead of being tied to the bed. I had a cool enough Dr who allowed me to move around for a while and I progressed very quickly.

It was after giving birth that things got hairy. Baby swallowed meconium and wasn't breathing properly, so they took him to NICU. I wasn't able to see him for another 6 hours!! I asked repeatedly to see him or to express some milk/colostrum for his first feeding. I kept being told to wait and that someone would come to help me, but no one came for hours and by the time I was finally able to see him for practically the first time, he had been given formula for 2 feedings. He had a stuffed bottle nipple in his mouth when I saw him. I was distraught. I specifically requested NO formula and no pacifiers and even had a sign made, but no one seemed to care. I requested that he room-in with me so we could bond and establish breastfeeding on demand and not according to their "come by every 3 hours" rule. They told me that he couldn't room in with me because they were trying to regulate his body temperature. I argued that being in the room with me and having skin to skin, kangaroo time would help immensely with regulating his body temp. I was told that they would speak to the pediatrician and get back to me. I never saw the pediatrician. Then a nurse in the nursery started asking me about my postpartum depression with my first daughter and alluded that they weren't letting me room-in with baby because of my mental health. I was so disturbed and spoke to the attending physician and really expressed my overall disappointment at how everything was being handled since delivering the baby. He discharged me and baby just a couple of hours later. I was so glad to be out of the hospital and home with the baby. It was just a nightmare. I'll post the full birth story at some point.

Anyhow, I just wanted to say thanks for thinking of me. It didn't turn out how I wanted it to at all, but baby is healthy and breastfeeding is going very well, so I just thank my lucky stars.

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BabbleOnMom
Breastfeeding, babywearing, clothdiapering enthusiast. Single 30-something mom to a 4 year old goddess and a little prince born in June 2010. Just enjoying life with kids, rolling with the punches and sharing my lessons along the way.
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